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  OUT IN THE OPEN

  Jonathan Harvey

  CONTENTS

  Cover

  Title Page

  By the Same Author

  Characters

  Act One

  Act Two

  Imprint

  OUT IN THE OPEN

  Jonathan Harvey comes from Liverpool and now lives in London. His plays include: The Cherry Blossom Tree (Liverpool Playhouse Studio, 1987); Mohair (Royal Court Theatre Upstairs, 1988); Tripping and Falling (Glasshouse Theatre Company, Manchester, 1989); Catch (Spring Street Theatre, Hull, 1990); Lady Snogs The Blues (Lincoln Arts Festival, 1991); Wildfire (Royal Court Theatre Upstairs, 1992); Beautiful Thing (Bush Theatre, London, 1993 and Donmar Warehouse, London/Duke of York’s Theatre, London, 1994), winner of the John Whiting Award 1994; Babies (Royal National Theatre Studio/Royal Court Theatre, 1994), winner of the George Devine Award 1993 and Evening Standard’s Most Promising Playwright Award, 1994; Boom Bang-A-Bang (Bush Theatre, 1995); Rupert Street Lonely Hearts Club (English Touring Theatre/Contact Theatre Company, 1995), winner, Manchester Evening News Best New Play Award, 1996; Swan Song (Pleasance, Edinburgh/ Hampstead Theatre, London, 1997); Guiding Star (Everyman Theatre, Liverpool/Royal National Theatre, 1998); Hushabye Mountain (English Touring Theatre, 1999). Television and film work includes: West End Girls (Carlton), Beautiful Thing (Channel Four/Island World Productions), Gimme, Gimme, Gimme (Tiger Aspect/BBC2), Dinner At Tiffany’s, an episode of Murder Most Horrid (BBC2).

  by the same author

  plays

  Beautiful Thing

  Babies

  Boom Bang-A-Bang

  Rupert Street Lonely Hearts Club

  Guiding Star

  Hushabye Mountain

  screenplay

  Beautiful Thing

  Out in the Open was first performed at the Hampstead Theatre, London, on 15 March 2001. The cast was as follows:

  Directed by Kathy Burke

  Designed by Michael Taylor

  Lighting by Chris Davey

  Sound by Dean Whiskens

  Characters

  Tony, Scottish, thirty-three. His partner Frankie died six months ago.

  Iggy, Mancunian, twenty-one, looks like a rent boy.

  Mary, Londoner, fifty-five. Never shuts up, nervous. Frankie’s mum.

  Kevin, Londoner, thirty-three. An alcoholic. Frankie’s best mate from school.

  Monica, black, thirty, a bit overweight. A waitress who wants to act.

  Rose, a friend of Mary’s. In her sixties, a big drinker.

  Setting

  The play is set over one long weekend in the back garden of Tony’s ground floor flat in Dalston, London, summer 2000. There is a set of French windows into the living room of the flat and an entry up the side of the house that leads to the street. The garden wouldn’t look out of place on an episode of Ground Force. There is a step up from the house, and the raised area is covered in tasteful decking. Night lights hang on the wall in jars. There is a water feature and a barbecue. Nice benches and a table fitted into the design, matching the decking. Plants in pots. Fairy lights. The cordless phone seems to live on the garden table.

  Act One

  Scene One

  Friday night.

  The lights come up on Tony’ s garden, night-time. A hot summer’s evening. The light is on in the living room and fairy lights light the decking, along with nightlights and candles. Tony stands by the house. Iggy is seated. Tony has a bottle of lager. Iggy is drinking something fizzy from a glass.

  Tony My begonias haven’t come out.

  Iggy Yeah?

  Tony Yeah. Sod’s law, eh?

  Iggy takes a swig of his drink.

  Tony They should be this gorgeous cerise colour. But all I’ve got is shoots. The guy in the shop promised me they’d be fabulous. Erm. Sorry. I always revert to stereotype when I’m a bit on edge.

  Iggy Why are you on edge?

  Tony I’m fine. So. D’you like the garden?

  Iggy Yeah. Sit here.

  Tony OK.

  He sits next to Iggy.

  Hello.

  Iggy Why are you on edge?

  Tony I’m not.

  Iggy You said you were.

  Tony I’m full of shite.

  Iggy You are single, aren’t you?

  Tony What? Well, that’s just it you see. My boyfriend’s inside. He’s got a terrible temper on him. (Beat.) Yeah. I’m single.

  Iggy But someone else lives here?

  Tony Only my lodger. He’s out. I think. Maybe I should go and check.

  Iggy Have you always been single?

  Tony No. No, I was with someone for seven years. Look at the size of your hands. Hold them up.

  They hold a hand up against hand to compare sizes. They rub hands.

  Iggy You’ve never done a hard day’s graft in your life, have you? So soft.

  Tony Cheeky bastard. At least I’ve not got an old man’s hands.

  Iggy What happened?

  Tony He died.

  Iggy Shit, I’m sorry. Was it recent?

  Tony Six months ago. Is that recent? It feels recent.

  Iggy Shit. What was his name?

  Tony Frankie.

  Iggy wretches.

  Iggy Sorry.

  Tony You all right?

  Iggy It’s this. (Indicates the glass.) It’s minging. What is it again?

  Tony Dioralyte. Try this. (Passes him the beer.) So do you have a bloke?

  Iggy No one’ll have me.

  Tony I don’t believe that for one second.

  Iggy I just split up with someone.

  Tony Long-term?

  Iggy shrugs.

  Iggy D’you work as a gardener?

  Tony shakes his head.

  Tony Who did the ditching?

  Iggy Him.

  Tony He’s a fool. Did you never show him your eyes? It’s Frankie’s birthday today.

  Iggy How old would he have been?

  Tony Thirty-three. Ancient.

  Iggy It’s not ancient.

  Tony How old are you? Don’t tell me you’re still at school.

  Iggy Fuck off, twenty-one. I’m at college me.Photography.

  Tony The camera never lies.

  Iggy How old are you?

  Tony Forty-five next birthday. I know I don’t look it.

  Iggy Really? God. You only look about thirty-eight.

  Tony I’m thirty-three.

  Iggy Good job I go for older men then, innit?

  Tony If you’re looking for a father figure I draw the line at you calling me dad.

  Iggy As if.

  Tony Was he old?

  Iggy I don’t wanna talk about him.

  Pause.

  Tony So what brings you to London?

  Iggy Felt like it.

  Tony I remember the days when I did things just cos I felt like it.

  Iggy Wanted to get him out me system.

  Tony But why did you end up in that pub? I’da thought a pretty boy like you would’ve been heading up to Soho.

  Iggy I was. Then I got the shits. D’you go there often?

  Tony Is that you chatting me up?

  Iggy No. It’s a question.

  Tony Dunno. Couple of times a week. We used to go together. Had our own quiz team. The Dalston Darlings. I only go now when the boredom sets in. When I’m sick of fiddling with my decking. This isn’t a garden by the way, it’s therapy.

  Iggy D’you miss him?

  Tony Of course I do. He was my best pal.

  Iggy I’m a nosy twat, aren’t I?

  Tony You’re a very beautiful twat, I’ll give you that.

  Iggy I think you’re pissed, mate.

  Tony I used to be beautiful, believe it or not.


  Iggy What went wrong?

  Tony pours some lager on his hand and flicks it at Iggy, playfully.

  Tony Is Iggy short for Ignatius?

  Iggy SadlY.

  Tony Good Catholic lad, eh?

  Iggy Oh yeah.

  Tony Would it be possible to see you naked at any point this evening?

  Iggy What if I tell you to fuck off?

  Tony You won’t tell me to fuck off. I bought you a pint. You came home with me. I tried to cure your shits.

  Iggy Yeah and you made me fucking sick.

  Tony You have a duty to let me see your naked form, it’s only fair!

  Iggy You’re fucking barmy, you.

  Tony Down here … if you agree to go back with someone. That’s it. There has to be nakedness.

  Iggy Nudity.

  Tony That too. I’m sorry. It’s a while since I’ve done this.

  Iggy Have you not had anyone else since him?

  Tony To be honest I’ve not fancied it. ’Til now.

  Iggy And what if I said I don’t do out on a first date?

  Tony I’d call you a liar.

  Iggy I don’t feel well.

  Tony That’s fine. As long as I can just sit here and look at you for a bit longer.

  Iggy Sounds to me like you’re getting over him.

  Tony You’re over him too. His ashes are buried right under you.

  Iggy Fuck off!

  Tony laughs.

  Iggy Freak.

  Tony Sorry.

  Iggy What was the funeral like?

  Tony gets up angrily.

  Tony Oh, it was great. A real laugh. What d’you wanna know about my boyfriend’s funeral for? Turn you on, does it? All this talk about death? Bit of a necrophiliac, are you?

  Iggy I’m only trying to be nice.

  Tony It rained. OK? There was a lot of crying. Particularly from me. Almost wailing at one point. Nicole Farhi and snot, not an attractive combination. Kevin, my lodger, he was at school with Frankie, he did a reading. Another friend Monica sang ‘Here Comes the Flood’ by Bette Midler. His mother was inconsolable, she still is. We had the wake back at his favourite restaurant in Smithfields, and later on we all went to a club.

  He starts to cry.

  This isn’t right. This is so not right.

  Iggy steps over and takes Tony’ s face in his hands and slowly kisses him. They snog for a while. Iggy pulls away tenderly.

  Iggy Sorry. Couldn’t help meself.

  Tony I haven’t been with anyone your age since … well, since I was your age.

  Iggy gets up and walks to the French windows. He stands there and looks at Tony, trying to look all sexy.

  Tony Where d’you think you’re going?

  Iggy Where’s the bedroom?

  Tony Tired?

  Iggy No.

  Tony You can’t possibly fancy me.

  Iggy I asked you a question.

  Tony I’m not very good at describing.

  Iggy Well, perhaps you better show me.

  Tony OK.

  Iggy sniffs and looks down at his trainers.

  Iggy I think I’ve trod in something.

  Tony Oh, that’ll be next door’s cat, sorry. Slip your trainers off.

  Iggy slips his trainers off.

  Iggy I’ve not had a bath today.

  Tony Is that supposed to turn me on?

  Iggy D’you have a shower?

  Tony Into the hall, second door on your right.

  Iggy I thought you were crap at describing.

  Tony I’m afraid there’s no lock on the door.

  Iggy Pervert.

  Iggy goes inside, leaving his trainers outside. Tony rests his head in his hands. He sits there for a while, lost in thought. He gets up and blows the candles out, then switches the fairy lights off He looks up to the heavens and smiles. He calls out to the sky.

  Tony You bastard!

  Blackout.

  Scene Two

  Saturday morning.

  The next morning. Tony comes out in his dressing gown with a dustpan and brush and a mop. He goes to brush away the cat shit on the decking. The French windows are open and the telly is on. It’s a warm sunny day. Iggy’ s trainers sit on the floor outside the French windows where he left them last night.

  Tony (shouts to neighbours) You should sew that cat’s arse up! How would you like it if I came over and crapped on your grass?

  He sweeps the shit into the dustpan and throws it over the fence. Mary bounds through the gate with three plastic bags. Two contain watermelons, one contains shopping.

  Mary Oh no! He hasn’t done it again, has he?

  Tony Mary?!

  Mary Hello, darling. Oh and all over your lovely decking look. What you done to your hair?

  Tony I’m just up.

  As she speaks he goes about mopping the decking.

  Mary You ever tried Maurice on the high street? He’s good. No, he is good, darling, trained in Paris. But don’t, whatever you do, get saddled with Kisha-Louise. What she’s doing in a salon of that calibre I’ll never know.

  Tony Did you want a cuppa?

  Mary Ooh no, darling. I only popped in to give you these. (She empties two large watermelons onto the table.) I seen ’em up Ridley Road, darling. They got your name on ’em.

  Tony Where?

  Mary It’s a saying, darling.

  Tony It’s a joke, Mary. Sit down, I’ll stick the kettle on.

  Mary No, I can’t stop. Honestly, darling. I’m looking in on me lady with the leg, darling, and I’m late as it is.

  Tony Well, if you’re sure.

  Mary Mind you, I’ve come all this way. And I don’t suppose I’ll get a bus straight away, bastards.

  Tony Tea?

  Mary (grabs his arm and pulls him close) What’s that funny one you give me last time darling?

  Tony Sage.

  Mary Have you got any left? Cos I’ll have normal if I’m putting you out.

  Tony You’re not. It’s a glorious day, isn’t it?

  Tony exits with the watermelons. Mary gets a joint out of her handbag and lights up.

  Mary That’s the only word for it. (Spying Iggy’ s trainers.) Oh, Tony. You got yourself a new pair o’pumps, darling? Ooh, they’re nice and fancy. Here, you’ll never guess what. Bloody optician says I need a new pair o’glasses. I can stick with what I got for reading, but I need another set for watching the bloody telly. ‘Blimey!’ I said. ‘I’ll have more glasses than Stringfellows.’

  Kevin comes in, pissed, just woken up.

  Mary Oh Kevin. No work today?

  Kevin No.

  He picks up a bottle of Hooch off the garden table.

  Mary How’s your lovely old nana keeping?

  Kevin She’s got shingles.

  Mary What, round her trunk?

  Kevin Yeah.

  Mary Cor, that’s nasty. Send her me best, won’t you?

  Kevin If you want.

  He exits. Mary starts mopping the decking. Tony comes back out. Kevin sits watching the telly indoors during the following.

  Tony Mary, I can do that.

  Mary Oh, shut up. Want some o’this? (Offers him the joint.) Go on darling. I hate smoking it on me own.

  Tony No, I’m trying not to.

  Mary Oh, me too. But see, it’s me rheumatoid arthritis, darling. I’m not supposed to carry anything heavier than a bag o’sugar.

  Tony Well, what were you doing buying two fucking watermelons?

  He goes back inside. Mary calls the next speech through to him.

  Mary I had this terrible dream last night, Tony. Horrible it was. I’m up John Lewis in Brent Cross and I’m in the basement, when the woman next to me in the queue sets fire to herself. And it starts to spread. So I leg it up all the escalators to get to the roof.

  Tony comes out with a bowl of hot soapy water and a scrubbing brush. He goes about cleaning the dirt off Iggy’ s trainers.

  Mary Then I has to jump off the roof, on to this big stack o’sofas. And
all the firemen there was off London’s Burning.But I can’t stand London’s Burning.What d’you reckon that means? They were really nice actually. Specially the Greek one. I was about to have a little cuddle and that with him only I woke up.

  Tony Who’s the lady with the leg?

  Mary Three doors down, moved in last month. I only get her a few bits, she’s ever so grateful. Had a ramp built up to her porch. I said to her, I said, ‘Council didn’t waste no time with you, darling. Shame they weren’t like that with my wonky bath.’ Eighteen months it took to level it out. I had a deep end and a shallow end. You taken your pills today, darling?

  Tony Aye. Why’s she had a ramp built? That’s pretty postmodern, isn’t it?

  Mary She can’t manage steps, darling. She’s got one o’them funny wheelchairs what look like them golfing car things. Sort o’thing Magnum drove. She’s got one o’ them for going the post office only I won’t let her. Cos she drinks, darling. She thinks I don’t know. But I found fifteen miniature vodka bottles up her entry. She’s a dangerous driver. She’s had three crashes since she moved in.

  Tony She goes on the road in it?

  Mary Well, she’s not supposed to, obviously. But she’s so fucking paralytic she can’t see where she’s going. And we’ve got that school round the back of us. I worry for them kiddies. Anyway she won’t be going out in it again. I hid the keys. (Pats her pocket)

  Tony She sounds like a laugh.

  Mary Oh, she’s lovely, Tony. No she is lovely. Showers her home help with toffees, coasters, you name it. Just, you know, bit of an alky. And I mean, between you and me, she smells a bit. Home help says it’s got a name.

  Tony Oh well, if she’s in a wheelchair maybe it’s difficult for her. You know, like … washing and stuff.

  Mary No apparendy she’s always had it. Persistent Fish Odour Syndrome. Tries to cover it up with Charlie, bless her. But fuck me she is rank. Nice though. Lost a son in the Falklands, so we usually have a natter about that side o’things. Husband used to hit her.

  Tony That’s terrible! And her in a wheelchair.

  Mary Reading between the lines … he put her in it. Oh, I shouldn’t say things like that. He ain’t here to defend himself.

  Tony Dead?

  Mary Birmingham. Well, the outskirts.

  Tony I’ll check the kettle.

  Mary Yeah, hurry up, darling. I’m on a schedule. And make sure you wash your hands!